Free Little Bird: Starting Over & Choosing Life After Trauma

I realized it's been a while since I've written any blog posts.

How do I put this year so far into words? SO much has happened. I've been working on the updated version of my first book, Silent Suffering. I've been growing in my health coaching and seeing people's lives improving in real time - a very rewarding experience.

It hasn't all been easy, that's for sure. When I wrote my last blog, I had just spent a week in a hospital bed in Chicago, where they found a small aneurysm in my brain. I found that out six months after my divorce - yes, this is whole other story in and of itself.

There comes a point in some people’s stories where anyone in their right mind has to ask, "What's the use in living?" or "Why should I trust anyone anymore?" “What the HECK, God?” All legitimate questions. Suffering with no explanation or expiration date is too much for the human soul to bear. Pain has to go somewhere. It must be redirected. It must find purpose.

There are a million moments that have taken place from finding out that news on that hospital bed to now. In short, I was faced with a choice - a choice I've had to make countless other times on my healing journey. I could choose fear or faith. I could choose to wallow in my life - or, I could live it. I chose life. I chose faith. And Jesus was most certainly holding my hand and giving me peace and strength through that whole process. Only by His grace could I walk out of that season not burned by the fire, but rather, somehow, filled with excitement.

Fast forward to four months later: I decided to sell or give away most of my belongings, headed to Michigan, to celebrate my dear friend Teresa. Her bachelorette weekend was filled with bathing suits, nail polish, hot tubs, belly laughs, and memories we’ll carry forever (isn’t that what life’s about?!). And then, just like that, I hopped on a plane and... moved across the world.

And so, here I am, on an unexpected adventure on the coast of Australia, living like a free little bird. My wings may be a bit tired and damaged, but they still work, and they’re mending here. I’m breathing in the salty air and diving into the ocean whenever I feel like letting go of all my worries, and taking jogs on the beach when my body allows. I’m eating lots of lamb and kiwis and gluten-free bread with plenty of butter. I’m learning the lingo and a different way of life. I’m getting stronger and continuing to heal from everything that long-term Lyme disease and trauma caused. Also, learning to love and trust humans again, even when my experiences have taught me to do otherwise. I have two new friends who are gems - Nicole and Simon, who have sat with me in my grief and have given me space to be me and to share my story. They’ve also prayed with me and helped me in many different ways practically, which I have needed. And I’ve made a small handful of other friends who are great, too.

I've got 1,000 photos in my camera roll to document these past two months here. It's been incredible. It's been stressful. It's been sad. It's been healing. It's been painful. I've been processing through some things I wasn't able to while I was living in Tennessee.

I'm currently in the process of getting a student visa here. This is a pricey endeavor that also takes time. But I trust that if it’s God’s will, it will all unfold as it should. He hasn't brought me this far for nothing.

I leave for New Zealand in a few days. I bought a one-way ticket (another story for another time). So far, I have places to stay for about two months. Don't ask me what exactly the future holds because I genuinely don't know all the specifics. I’m letting go of giving every little thing a timeline and am living in the present and seeing where it takes me. It's not about getting to the finish line as fast as possible. It's about purpose. It's about stopping and smelling the flowers along the way and calling your friends to tell them you love them.

I'm taking this time to breathe deep, meditate, and continue to heal. I have other goals, of course. But what I’m learning, especially as I get older and go deeper into my healing, is this:

Expansion only happens when you go inward.

The more regulated I am, the more I can handle life’s ebbs and flows.

The better I show up for myself, the better I show up for others.

What I do know about my future (and your future) is that it is good. God has made that evidently clear to me. He has restored my hope - and that, in itself, is a miracle after everything that my heart, mind, body, and soul have experienced in these 31 years of life.

I've been continuously reminded of the importance of listening to my own intuition. Also: the power of my words. The device I use, called the AO scan, has helped me with this. I speak words of life over my body and my situation and then I listen to myself saying it. It has changed my life - not only by bringing balance to my body but also by reprogramming my brain & believing I CAN heal & I CAN be successful. That doctors and diagnoses do not have the final say. God does. Let my life be living proof of that.

Thankful for every one of you who have cheered me along the way. Here's to starting over. Here's to my whole new life.

Remember that you are loved, valued, and your life MATTERS.

Keep you guys in the loop xx

Lauren